This is something I've come to discover. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but really, who does? Everyone keeps telling me that people change their careers multiple times throughout their working years, but everyone needs a starting point. When one feels lost about where to start, that's when one knows one is truly lost. Right? If you don't know where to start, then you don't know where you're coming from- or going to. In other words, it means you don't have a starting point- a ground zero, if you will. Everyone keeps telling me I'll figure out where I want to go, but no one has told me I'll be able to figure out where to start.
Growing up is a part of life, and I feel as if it is a topic constantly in my head. It's hard not to be. Everything is always so future-focused. People keep asking me what I'm going to be doing next year, and what I want to do after college. I know that I'm supposed to have time to figure it all out, but what about the deadlines everyone sets? I need to know if I'm going to grad school in time to take the GMATs or LSATs or GRE or whatever. Yes, maybe I don't need to know where I'm going to end up, but I need to know where to start. And how can I not think about growing up? My closest friends are a year older than me. Their graduation is in four weeks. Wow.
It's hard not to think about growing up, especially from this end of it. I am watching some of my best friends find apartments in their new cities, find jobs and get job offers. I keep hearing about engagements and babies and weddings (oh my!). And I can't help but think.. I am nowhere near being ready for ANY of that. I am not ready to be engaged, married or with child. Hell, I'm not even ready to think about moving away from this undergraduate setting. The real world is a BIG SCARY PLACE to me right now. And I don't think it's a maturity thing. I am mature. I can handle not being in college. My problem is, I just don't know what I want to DO with my life. Does anyone really know, though? If people say it's alright to change your career dozens of times and to get divorced and to have abortions and to chance political opinions and to change your life constantly.. isn't that another way of saying it's alright not to know what you want from life? In a world that expects perfection, how is constant self-evolution a possibility?
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button now,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe.
Woah breathe, just breathe.
There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
But you're just as far in as you'll ever be out.
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
